Keeping Composure When Others Can’t

Keeping Composure When Others Can’t

Soccer is an emotional game. Sometimes, we let our emotions get the best of us. It’s difficult when so much is on the line, and something doesn’t go our way. In the heat of the moment, we can act irrationally, only to look back with regret. But why does this happen even to the best players in the world? Let’s examine why emotions can take over and how we can learn to control them.

Composure is not often a trait that is prioritized when evaluating a player’s ability. Scouts, directors, and coaches typically focus on technical or physical attributes—how fast or agile a player is, their ability to control the ball under pressure, or the quality of their passing. However, one of the most overlooked qualities is composure. How does a player handle stress and pressure on the field? Does the player get irritated when an opponent tries to rattle them with words or physical play? If I compare two players—one with superior passing ability in a calm setting and another who may not be as technical but excels under pressure—I would take the player who can manage pressure better every time.

In just the past week, we’ve seen both Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo—two of the greatest players in history lose their composure—unnecessarily. Despite their strong mentalities and vast experience, even the best players in the world sometimes let their emotions take control. At their core, they are fierce competitors who are used to dictating the game and achieving their desired outcomes.

In both scenarios, their frustrations stemmed from referee decisions they felt were unjust. At the conclusion of the MLS season opener against New York City FC, Messi squeezed the back of NYCFC assistant coach Mehdi Ballouchy’s neck, causing him to tense up. This was in response to Messi believing an opposition player should have received a red card. While Messi was issued an undisclosed fine, had it been another player, a suspension wouldn’t have been surprising. Similarly, Ronaldo vented his frustration by aggressively kicking a ball away after Jhon Duran was shown a straight red card for pushing an opponent. While these incidents were relatively harmless, they were clear signs of frustration and lack of composure. Distracted by a moment that was out of their control and not focused on what they could do next.

As both a player and a coach, I have been in these situations countless times, and I’m sure you have too. More often than not, the frustration stems from a referee’s decision—something completely out of your control. When you reflect on these moments later, you realize that your reaction didn’t change the outcome, and instead, it left you with regret. The goal should be to avoid these situations altogether. Always show class and composure. It is better to say nothing than to kick a ball away in frustration or lash out at an opponent. The outcome won’t change, but how you handle it defines you. You can be frustrated—but don’t show it. I know this is easier said than done, but let me help.

How Can I Avoid Overreacting and Letting My Emotions Get the Best of Me?

The most important thing to do is put things in perspective—what is the bigger picture? Take a deep breath, pause, and think before you react. Again, this may sound easier said than done, but it is far easier than dealing with the regret and consequences of an emotional outburst. In today’s world, everything is recorded—from the Premier League to Sunday league matches. A negative reaction caught on video can lead to further punishment, whether it’s a suspension, a fine, or in extreme cases, legal consequences.

As a player or coach, you know that referees will make mistakes—sometimes even game-changing ones. Even with VAR, controversial calls remain a part of the game. Referees, like players and coaches, are human and will inevitably make errors. You must accept this reality. The best response? Be so dominant that a referee’s mistake doesn’t determine the outcome. That is my philosophy as a coach: Your team must perform at a level where external factors, like officiating, don’t dictate the result. If the referee does play a role in the outcome, then it simply means we weren’t good enough on the day to take control of our own fate.

Beyond referee decisions, things won’t always go your way. It’s crucial to refocus, shift your mindset to the next play, and control what you can. Dwelling on the past won’t change it. Success in soccer—and in life—depends on how well you manage challenges. Composure in difficult moments can be the difference between winning and losing. Letting opponents or hostile fans get under your skin only works to their advantage. If you lack mental toughness, you will be drawn into their distractions, lose focus, and ultimately let your emotions dictate your performance. This is when mistakes happen. I always tell my players: Let your football do the talking. At the end of the day, the scoreboard is the loudest statement you can make. You can’t trash talk if you’ve lost the game.

The Bigger Picture: You Never Know Who’s Watching

Something I always remind players of—especially those aspiring to play at higher levels—is that you never know who is watching. Keeping this in mind can help you maintain perspective in tough moments. A scout, coach, or recruiter may be evaluating you, not just for your technical ability but also for your character. This is particularly true for players in college showcases. The moment a college coach witnesses a player displaying negative emotional outbursts or reactions, no matter how talented you are, you could immediately be crossed off their list.

So, next time tensions start to rise, put things in perspective, think about the bigger picture, and remember—you never know who’s watching. Take a deep breath, regain your composure, and focus on the next play that you can control. You won’t want to look back on a moment with regret.

Do you want to improve your composure on the field - send us an email at [email protected]